Sure we often want to match ourselves with people of certain look and physical
properties and that is entirely natural. However if we weigh 300 lbs and have
never seen the inside of a gym then I think its fair to say that we may not be
the perfect match to a sportsman or a model. Why? Well simply because nature
tells us that we match with likes. On a base level we are here, says nature, to
procreate and so we select accordingly.

That of course on its own would be too shallow a premise to write this article
but the first element of any match is physical compatibility. Matching with
someone on a purely physical level is not enough to last. Sex is a part of any
relationship to some degree so looks do matter, even if to a small extent. After
all you must be able to wake up next to that person for months or years to come,
and you must want to be able to make love to them in some form, even if its
simply kissing. I often here some people say that appearance is not important to
them and I am always impressed. What they really mean is that looks are not
important as along as you like the look of that person already. Looks are only
ever important if you do not!

Many relationships fail where sex is missing or unsatisfactory, where physical
contact in many forms is lost. When that occurs the foundations of a
relationship can be rocked so we must say that appearance and therefore
physicality in any match is an important factor. The first thing you may look at
when you meet someone may be their eyes, smile, teeth, hair, handshake, kiss and
physique etc. They are all physical attributes.
The other problem about matching physically is that we may not truly know how
physically attracted we are until much further into a relationship we are. It
may be sometime before physical intimacy is shared and sexual contact occurs.
Therefore an emotional, even love, match may have already developed further. But
we do try matching with people, look at fashion. The way we dress and the way we
appear in daily life speaks volumes about who we are. Maybe money is tight and
we don't have the cash to look our best. That is true. But what we can do for
ourselves by way of presentation comes through loud and clear. Not making an
effort is the biggest criticism I hear about guys on a first date. If a woman
makes a great deal of effort then a man should respect himself and his date
enough to look as good as he can do too.

Okay so we also know that in time appearance and the physical aspects of a
relationship become far less important as we get to know a person emotionally
and that mental contact with someone becomes far more powerful an influence. Yet
initially matching with someone it is still extremely important. We all discuss,
chat, talk, debate, joke, laugh, speak etc and it is all because we are
identifying with each other and building the foundations of an emotional
connection. It may be found in a shared experience or hobby, activity or event.

It may be found in opposing powerful views discovered in conversation
accompanied by profound respect and deep seated desire to extend this connection
further. It may be that we share the same type of pet, a similar liking for
certain foods even similar books we read, but they are emotional connections
that are essential in establishing any connection. As we can see, initial
matching is a complex scenario.

The next important factor in any match is location. I could match with someone
right now in Australia, but unless I am in Australia then it doesn't help me
begin a relationship. I may consider flying to Australia to meet my match but
then can I sustain my match and help us grow? Well of course that depends on the
two individuals involved, their circumstances, position, age, regularity of
meeting and planned future. The reality as we know for single people is that
long distance matches tend not to work unless both parties come together quite
quickly after meeting. I agree that some long distance matches do and will work
really well, but it is not the norm. So what I am arguing here is that when we
look at who we match with, let's be reasonably certain that our locality to
those we meet and match with allows for a relationship to develop. Whilst I may
meet someone in Los Angeles who is perfect for me, unless I am prepared to move,
visit often or relocate then maybe my match is not my best choice for me.

One thing often overlooked in matching with someone is humour. Yes we often
specify that someone must have a great sense of humour. And everyone reading
this will say, yes they have a great sense of humour. To them! And that's the
killer qualifier. The sense of humour in a high quality match between two people
is where it is shared and unquantifiable. Where the humour is at a subtly
understood level is essential. What makes one person laugh does not make another
person laugh. And yet I watch so many people co exist without every laughing
together and it makes me sad. A solid relationship will have moments where
common laughter is essential, where the sense of  humour between two people is
almost unspoken. That I believe is one of the key ingredients in any true match.
You may really be attracted to someone but of they don't make you laugh you may
be wasting your time.